How to fall into a funk
(and I’m not talking about cool music)
Since falling into the great languishing chasm 5 years ago I’ve managed to climb out and relapse countless times. It feels like I never learn so this is a reminder to myself that I actually can.
My great mental health wellbeing challenge began after the birth of my second child. I refused to believe I was depressed, instead I blamed the social isolation, the bone-tiredness, the constant grind of caring for a colicky newborn. Whether I’m right or wrong in my denial of a clinical mental health challenge, I have found myself relapsing into a state of languishing (as defined by Corey Keyes) over the years and there are definitely some recurring themes that deserve the title of lessons.
Letting the things that are working slip
I try something out. Its works to make me feel a bit better. It brings me joy or it keeps my body healthy. It becomes an embedded habit and I can’t imagine myself not doing this thing. I become complacent.
Something happens, or maybe even nothing happens. The habit gets missed and the complacency reassures me that tomorrow I will resume. But tomorrow’s me is even less inclined to do the thing. And like that, it’s slipped away. Chances are I don’t miss it at first, maybe even delude myself that I’ve successfully decluttered something unnecessary. But eventually I realise that not only do I miss the small lift the habit gave me, but its absence is actively pushing me down.
Food routines
If a something has happened, the brain power to plan, procure and prepare nutritious food is the first life raft jettisoned off the ship. It starts with the idea that hard day deserves a respite meal prepared by someone else. That staves off the need to go the shop for another day. Then that day comes and the fridge remains bare, a situation not rectified until stomachs are growling needing instant satisfaction. Thus the downward spiral is triggered until it becomes an extreme effort to pick an option that will genuinely make me feel good.
Exercise
God I’m so sick of the cure to everything being exercise. Why do they have to pick the one thing that feels so insurmountable when you have no energy, no drive and no motivation? In 100% of real world experiments, curling under a blanket on the sofa is preferable to doing something physically demanding and uncomfortable. Not to mention the logistical organisation that doing a bit of exercise requires.
It’s such a massive bummer that feeling comfortable all day leads to feeling uncomfortable all day.
General organisation
The recurring theme of the previous 2 points is that the brain power to plan is a contributing factor to the slip. This bleeds into other areas, the ability to keep track of things that need doing and do them. Active prioritisation turns into resolving only emergent crises and quite quickly this descends into a feeling of pure overwhelm and shutdown.
I have built tools that help me to organise my life, tools that I love, like my Notion life organiser. But what I see that I need now are systems in place that don’t require any planning energy to instigate when things start to derail. Emergency buttons that I can press that do the heavy lifting.
What do you think?
How do you fall into a funk?
What tools and systems do you have in place to protect your good habits when all you want to do is withdraw?
